The understanding of a handicapped.
A May’s sunny day let us feeling so eased. Today there is a small sport event and it happens to be on Mother’s day. And something that I cannot forget, which is Sister’s birthday. It is really a wonderful day.
I called my cousin at Nagoya, hope she can come over and visit me. Because I want her to know how hard working I am to survive. Huimei and me are childhood buddies; we always share the same bed. During the summer and winter holidays, we would go to each other’s house for vacation.
She wore a white shirt, a dress, clipping a gold hair clip on her curly hair and wearing red heel shoes. With her long eyelashes and big eyes and beautiful features, it’s difficult to imagine her only a high school third year student. She’s always mistaken as a men’s cousin. Ah Xiang came and visit me too.
The corner of the sports hall grew a bunch of fortune grasses. We sat together and started to search for a 4-clover leaf. We hoped we could give our mum good fortune. “Is 4-clover leaf very fortunate?” Huimei asked. So I tell her how I feel from the bottom of my heart. “4-clover leaf is the transformation of a 3-clover leaf, it is said rare change things give luck to us… “ Huimei understood deeply and replied, “Is it because it is rare?” Yar, it’s because it is rare then it will me people feel fortunate. Once you find it, you will feel great and joyful, and then the fortunate feeling will flow through you.
Today I fall again and hurt myself, and I cried again. I should be stronger. It could be due to the morning my actions are too rushed or my feelings too rushing. I tell myself to bring my leg forward but in the end it didn’t follow my commands. Thus, my body fell, I wanted to bring out my hand and blocked, but I can’t and bang….
While on the way to the medical room through a stretcher, I saw the sky. I think to myself, it’s been a long time I lie down and looked up at the sky. Lying at the medical room, I could also saw the sky through the window. The white clouds pass through the big blue sky, it’s really difficult to describe the beautiful scenario. Yar! When one day I a finally completely bed-ridden, I can lie at the bed and watch the sky. A singer once sang a song, which the lyrics were “Keep moving forward! Even though tears are falling out….” Yes! Its that feeling. I fell asleep for an hour, and woke up refresh and went to the toilet. (Western Toilet) I sat at the toilet bowl thinking the answer and finally concluded. I am getting slower than usual.
Yesterday was my turn to go to the library for my duties, I spent 20 minutes walking along the second floor walkway, but when I reached there was no one, I’m really too slow. I was depressed, borrowed a book. If I exceeded the time where the school gate close, I can just call the hostel and school, but still I cant help but cry again.
Just only around 4pm, the librarian scolded me,” Go back quick! If you want to borrow books, you have to come earlier.” I was so angry! What a cold-blooded person. My movements are 1 time slower than a normal person. It’s impossible to plan ahead of my time no matter how hard I try. And I spend too much time on daily routines like washing clothes. This stuffs are not using just time that I can solve the problem.
Today’s destination is the zoo. I’m so tired of going to places like the zoo. The boring faces of a orang utan, black monkeys that throw stones, penguins that doesn’t catch fish, and etc.
I really hate the daily duties of the hostel, but for the sake of adapting to the group environment, this is something I can’t avoid. I always so slow, no matter how hard I try I’m always slower than the others. During the announcement, the duties are only half done, during the end of the fitness lesson, the in charge told me, “Aya, You didn’t clean up your room. Go to toilet and clean up the rubbish and towels.”
“Please forgive me, I will endure all the pain and challenge…” God, please tell me. When will all this end? This always in the end makes me even weaker.
If my body can be more active, even if cleaning the toilets, I will be more than happy to clean it. But as I couldn’t control my movements well, I can only scold in my mind “I detest it!” But my mouth just couldn’t say it, and everyone just left.
Returning back to the room, I couldn’t help but burst out crying. The hostel auntie saw me and said, “ You can’t always cry in a group environment. “ But what exactly should I do instead?
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